One of the most common questions I get asked is... "How can I teach my child to feed themselves?" I was pretty motivated to teach my own kids because that meant I could sit back and enjoy my own meal again... well, mostly. It is also a skill I have worked on, a lot, with kids of all ages and abilities. In this post, which is long over due, I am going to cover it all. I will tell you how to get your kid finger feeding, using a spoon, and a fork, all of which happen at different developmental periods. Plus, I'll give you age guidelines, notice my word choice, when we are talking milestones. There is always a lot of variability as each child is unique. Of course, I will share with you my favorite beginner utensils, too! So, let's get started...
Hopefully your child has started or will start feeding themselves those little melt-able puffs right off their tray around 8 months. Initially, you will notice that they grasp for their food with their whole hand in a raking motion. They often get a bunch in their at once and will try to shove their whole hand into their mouth. This is a fairly ineffective method, but they manage. Slowly, they will begin to use multiple fingers to pick up more foods, which should evolve into a pincer grasp (see the top pic above or the one below) around 9 months old (but it could range from 7-11 months). This pincer grasp is important because is lays the foundation for future fine motor skills like writing. If you want more specifics on transitioning to table foods check out my two part series here and here.
How You Can Help Them!
First of all, make sure you are giving them opportunity. Let them try and try again, it is okay to let them struggle a little. That is how they learn! Give them things like puffs that are dry and big enough to pick up, but not so big they could choke. Most kids are motivated to eat and will figure out how to get it into their mouth. The problem sometimes arises with the pincer grasp. If they aren't isolating their finger and thumb, set aside some time at the beginning of their meal to give them one piece of food at a time. Try placing one singular puff on their tray first, without a boat load of puffs they may isolate those fingers for you. If they don't use the pincer grasp, hold it up in front of them, like my husband is demonstrating in picture to the right. Don't let go until you see them grabbing it with their index finger and thumb. Spend just a few minutes "practicing" at the beginning of the meal and then let them finish their meal normally so they don't get too frustrated. Likely, it won't be long before they have mastered this new skill!
We look for toddlers to be feeding themselves with a spoon, completely independently by the age of 2. However, most kids are capable of learning much younger than that if they are given the opportunity . By one year of age they can be proficiently and messily feeding themselves. If you struggle with the messiness of self feeding make sure you read one of my most popular posts, Why You Should Let Your Kid Get Messy Eating.
How You Can Help Them!
|Giving Hand-Over-Hand Help|
Once they have this under their belt, it is time to give them their own little bowl while you are feeding them. I can already feel the panic setting in for so many of you - What, their own bowl?!? A bowl they can throw and stick their hands in? Yes, that is what I am suggesting! The suction bowls are awesome and will help keep them from tossing the whole bowl on to the floor. The trick is to only give them a little food in the bowl at a time. At this point you are still feeding them most of the meal. If they are doing well scooping up food and at least getting some of it into their mouth, put more and more food into the bowl for them to feed themselves. If they aren't showing much interest or are having a hard time manipulating the spoon, then help them by putting your hand on top of their's and moving through all the steps of scooping and putting the bite into their mouth (see the pic above left). Once you reach this point your child is probably around 8- 9 months old, assuming you started feeding them baby food at 6 months. If the mess is becoming too distracting, which it likely will, gently remind them that food goes in their mouth. Try to remember that the mess and playing with food is all part of the process. I know it is challenging, but it is short lived.
You will continue in this way with 2 bowls until you are giving them more and more of the actual food and less bites from your spoon. When they are feeding themselves most of the meal you can stop using your own bowl. In a short time you will only be occasionally helping them with a large bite or when they turn the spoon the wrong way.
Although it will continue be a supervised process for some time. Also, they will be fairly messy eaters for a while, don't worry about the food that falls on their bib and chin. I hope I'm not the barer of bad news, but they will eat like this until about 2 - 2 and 1/2. On the upside their independence gives you a chance to actually eat your own food or answer the phone or wash up a few dishes!
It is also helpful to keep in mind that thicker foods like yogurt and pudding will be easier to scoop and keep on the spoon. Thinner textures may be frustrating initially.
If your child is already a toddler and you missed the steps I just described, it is okay, you are still going to proceed in much the same way. You will likely be moving through those early steps more quickly. Many parents don't think to give their child a spoon so young or are really overwhelmed by the mess that it causes. With a toddler it is important to follow their lead and give them as much help as they need, although it is okay to let them struggle a little here, too. Consistency in how often you are presenting them with a spoon and patience go a long way!
If your child is struggling to get the hang of it or is refusing to try, make sure it is not the mess that is bothering them. If you suspect that they don't like being messy show them that you have a napkin nearby and give them their own. If they do get a little messy and it upsets them, be quick to clean it up. Check out my Sensory Basics and Sensory Bins post for more help on this.
Regardless of the reason they are having difficulty: consistency, patience, and practicing together are the keys to progress.
My FAVORITE Spoons
Both of my boys used these Spoons and the spork variety they sell as well. I love them because of their wide curved handle, plus the shape allows them to dip only a little and still get a spoonful. That is important in the early days, when their coordination isn't so hot. I also love the deep bowl of the actual spoon because even when some of the food falls off, it all isn't lost, which can be really frustrating to these guys when their trying so hard.
Introduce fork feeding after they mastered using the spoon and have a nice pincer grasp for self feeding. Again, we look for kids to be capable of using a fork by age 2, although most will prefer to use their fingers, which is fine. Kids are capable of using a fork around 15-18 months.
How You Can Help Them!
Begin by placing a safe toddler fork on their plate or high chair tray with something really easy to pierce like cubes of cheese or a chicken nugget. Noodles and fruit are soft, but
|Hand-Over-Hand help with Fork|
Continue to offer them a fork and at a minimum encourage them to use it a few times a week until they are in the preschool years and it becomes more inappropriate to eat everything with their fingers.
My FAVORITE Forks
I love these little forks because they too have a soft, wide gripped handle. The best part is that they are metal and will actually pierce something. But the prongs are rounded just enough so that they aren't dangerous for little ones.
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